Original" Format for a Marauders Fic
by Ivory Tower
Summary: A silly jab of fun at all those Marauders fics circulating about.


Title: "Original" Format For a Marauders Fic  
  
Author: Ivory Tower  
  
Disclaimer: J.K. Rowling owns all Harry Potter characters.  
  
Lily: Hello, I'm Lily Evans.  
  
James: And I'm James Potter.  
  
Lily: We hate each other.  
  
James: And we're also madly in love. Say "hello", Sirius.  
  
Sirius: *waves*  
  
Lily: And this is Peter Pettigrew. In a few moments he will wander off and never be heard from again in this fic.  
  
Remus: Because nobody likes him and he's fat!  
  
James: Be nice, Moony.  
  
Remus: Why? It's true. I feel sick.  
  
Lily: Time for your monthly visit to the Shrieking Shack. Have an orange before you go.  
  
Remus: *accepts orange* Why, thank you.  
  
James: Lily, let us snog, my darling.  
  
Lily: *slaps James* Oh yes! Let's! Get lost, Peter.  
  
Peter: I never liked any of you anyway! *walks off cursing under his breath*  
  
Sirius: I say, there's that greasy-haired Slytherin shadowing Remus. I believe I'll go and say hello to the brash bastard.  
  
Remus: *still walking towards Whomping Willow* Hello there, Snape.  
  
Snape: Jolly day, Lupin. Now, shut up and keep walking. Oh shit-it's that insufferable Black come to taunt me mercilessly!  
  
Sirius: *dances around Snape and jeers at him* Skinny, stupid, ugly, slimy Slytherin. I think I would like to see you dead, I would.  
  
Lily: *runs over and places arm around Snape* I know you love me...but you'll get over it.  
  
Snape: *draws himself up dramatically* Never! Shut up, Black! I'm going to be nice for three minutes.  
  
James: *jogs over and stands next to Sirius* You can't. Lucius hasn't yet tried to drag Lily off and rape her.  
  
Lucius: *flys by on his broomstick and gives them all the finger* Narcissa's the hottest chick in this school and she's aaaaallll miiine! *flys off*  
  
Snape: *snorts* Does she have that old boy fooled.  
  
Lupin: I'm disappearing into the tunnel now.  
  
Sirius: Hey, Snape, if you go after him you'll get a BIG surprise.  
  
Snape: *focusing on Lily* Whatever.  
  
Sirius: Pussy.  
  
Snape: Fine! I'll go after him. I always knew that guy was odd.  
  
James: Yes, and you are perfectly normal, aren't you, Snape?  
  
Snape: So I'm a pale, skinny guy with black hair, a knack for potions and a deep knowledge of the Dark Arts-that's no reason to exclude me from your little group.  
  
Sirius: Get in that hole! Hurry!  
  
Snape: Oh, keep your shorts on, Black. I'll show you my tatoo later, Lily.  
  
Lily: I'll be arguing with James in the library until then.  
  
All: *wave at Snape as he disappears after Lupin*  
  
*crickets chirp*  
  
James: Oh shit! I gotta go save him! *darts after Snape*  
  
Sirius: *laughs maniacally* I'm such a bastard. Moreso than Snape.  
  
Lily: Who told you two to swap roles anyway?  
  
*inside the tunnel*  
  
Snape: *lights cigarette* Crikey, Lupin, is that chili not agreeing with you? *sees the werewolf Lupin* JESUS CHRIST! Oh fuck-I dropped my Fundip.  
  
James: I'll save you!  
  
Snape: No! Get out of here! I'll save myself! Let go! *tries to beat James away*  
  
Lupin: Roooooorwarrrrrgggghh!!!  
  
Snape and James: Mummy! *dash for the exit. James pushes Snape down and proceeds to drag him by his feet.  
  
James: I'm saving Snape! I'm saving Snape!  
  
Snape: My Fundip! *takes deep drag off of cigarette*  
  
*the two emerge in time to see Sirius doing jumping jacks in his red and gold undies. Lily is reading a book*  
  
Snape: *gets free of James* I'm telling! *runs off towards castle*  
  
*Dumbledore's office*  
  
Dumbledore: Sirius, that was very wrong and somewhat cruel.  
  
Sirius: I'm sorry, but he's such a greasy little snit I couldn't help myself!  
  
James: We didn't think he'd really do it. Snape's not the trusting type.  
  
Dumbledore: Sirius, you will recieve a detention. James, you've earned fifty points for Gryffindor. Here, Severus, have a gumdrop, my lad.  
  
Snape: But they tried to kill me!  
  
Dumbledore: Yes, well, it happens to the best of us. Have another gumdrop. You must keep silent about what you have seen, Severus.  
  
Snape: WHAT?  
  
Dumbledore: You must keep silent, or I will force you to spank me in front of the entire school. Try a red gumdrop.  
  
Snape: *gestures that his lips are sealed*  
  
Dumbledore: Now, run along, children. Sirius, be nice to Severus. No more attempted murder. And put your pants back on.  
  
Sirius: *sighs* All right.  
  
*back in the tunnel*  
  
Werewolf Lupin: Is that Fundip I smell?  
  
~FIN~ 


End file.
